Two months ago, I was robbed. Long story short: I
was staying overnight with one of the other missionary families at Sonlight,
and in the middle of the night, I woke up to find a thief in the house. I
screamed, he ran, and we couldn’t catch him. He got away with almost all of the
electronics in the house, including our three computers and our phones.
For the
next few days, all I could feel was fear. I couldn’t look at the people on the
street, I couldn’t sleep at night, and I felt sick. Having lost my computer
(and everything on it) and my phone was frustrating. However, I found that losing
my sense of security was worse. Much worse. When someone invades what you
consider to be a “safe place”, it messes with your head. Realizing that there
was a man in my room while I slept was (is) really unsettling. Waking up and
finding him in the house while I was alone was frightening.
Now,
it needs to be said that I was not likely in any danger. Had the guy been there
to hurt anyone, he had the opportunity to do so. And he didn't. He was only
there for stuff. However, my initial reaction to the situation was not calm
rationalization, but fear. Fear, because I didn’t know who this man was or what
he would do, particularly if he thought I was in the way of his escape.
Overcoming
the fear and worry was not easy. Every day I had to choose joy, and to find
peace, rest and hope in Jesus. With that, and through the prayers and support
of those back at home, as well as my missionary family here, things got better.
While we
were healing inwardly, our outward situation was still a frustration. The police were
no help (they wanted a bribe before they'd even look into it), and there was
little chance of recovering our lost items. Our financial situations being what
they are, none of us could afford to replace anything. Yet even in the middle
of this mess, God did something amazing.
A few days after the break-in, a
family friend created an online fundraiser for me. One of my supporting
churches gave a very generous donation. Within twelve hours, enough money had
been raised to replace all of my things, and to help the other family. It was
absolutely incredible to see how God moved his people to give. People I didn't
even know were donating and telling me that they were praying for me. It
was incredibly humbling and encouraging, and I felt so loved. The Church in
action is beautiful thing.
I wish I could say the story ends here, but it doesn’t.
Since the first break-in, there have been several attempts, and more than one
has been successful. Some dear friends from another nearby mission lost all of
their electronics, and many other items. A few of the thieves have been caught,
although we don’t know for sure that it’s the same men who have been stealing
from us. Some of the arrests have caused tension in the community here, as one of
the men was well known and liked. While there has been reconciliation in that
situation, we continue to pray for unity and understanding within Sonlight and
our surrounding community.
In the midst of all this, I am
learning every day to give thanks and rejoice in all circumstances, whether or
not I feel like it. While this experience has not been a happy one, I have
learned much and grown in my faith. When something like this happens, it strips
way the perceived glamour and romanticism of being a missionary. This is where
it gets real. It has forced me to completely reevaluate why I am here. Am I
here for myself, or am I here for Haiti? Am I here to make myself look good, or
to glorify God?
I have been asked several times
if I will stay in Haiti after all of this. And while this year has been
difficult, I have no intention of leaving. What kind of witness would it be to
the people of Port-de-Paix if I pack up and leave the first time my safety is
threatened? God never promised that what he calls us to will be easy. He
doesn’t even promise that it will be safe. He promises that he’ll be with us.
And that’s enough for me.
“Fear Is Easy, Love Is Hard” is a
song by Jason Gray that I’ve known and loved for a while, but I have come to
understand it in a whole different way in the last few weeks. Here are the
lyrics from the chorus:
Fear will leave you hiding in the dark,
But love will bring a light into your heart,
So do not be afraid, do not be afraid
It’s easier to be afraid, to
hide from all of the hurt and suffering in this world. It’s much harder to
love, especially to show love to those who are the cause of our pain. But love
changes things. Love shines a light into the darkness. Love gives hope to the
hopeless, remembers those who are forgotten, and it confounds those who have
never experienced it. Love points people to Jesus.
Fear is easy, and love is hard.
But love is worth it.
