Taking the Next Step

   In my life, God often puts only one step ahead of me at a time. Some people speak of God showing them a path or a road to follow, and I envy them - because I wish I could see that far ahead. I wish that I could see what lies ahead of me, both in the immediate and distant future, so that I know how to plan for what's coming. 

   But God, in his wisdom and knowing me all too well, shows me only one step at a time. Because if I knew what lay ahead, I would likely rush straight in, or turn on my heel and sprint in the opposite direction. Yet what He wants is not for me to run ahead (or away), but to walk with Him, waiting and trusting in Him to provide each step in His perfect timing. 

   But knowing this doesn't make it easy. 

   There have been times when I have been stuck on one step much longer than I wanted to be. I prayed for God to put the next one ahead of me; to let me move on. But He made me wait.

   There have been times when I have been afraid of the step I see before me, and hesitant to step out.

    There have been times when the next step has been clear and exciting, and I've moved forward without fear or doubt.

    There have been times when I've felt the step beneath me disappearing, and it felt like God waited until the very last second before placing the next one before me. 

     And there have been times when I haven't wanted to leave the step I'm on. Like right now. 

     Because this step - Haiti - is one of the very best I've ever taken. These past four and a half years have been full of people and places and experiences that have become a part of who I am. This step has become home. 

And so even when I see God very clearly place another step in front of me… I don’t want to go.

   We've fought over this one, Jesus and I. I've wrestled and questioned and doubted and continued to pray even when I'd already been given the answer. 

   Because I love this place. With all of my heart. I love watching the sun rise over the mountains and  set over the ocean. I love listening to the breeze sway the palm trees when I sit on my roof. I love speaking Kreyòl and learning to cook Haitian food (still a work in progress). I love going for walks with Bendjy early on Saturday mornings to get my favorite Haitian coffee, and stopping to get spaghetti for breakfast on the way back. I love my Preschoolers and our students at Sonlight. I love my assistants. I love the people who have become not just friends, but in many cases like family to me. I love the ways that I have seen and known God here. And I can't imagine leaving.
   Haiti still holds my heart. And I still firmly believe that this is where God has called me to be, and that when the time is right, he'll bring me back. But for now, I know that he is leading me to America for a season. And so even though I don't know what's coming next, I will trust and follow his leading - one step at a time.